One Last Call

Hey mom, I know it's been a while.
I am still traumatized from what transpired.
Life became difficult, as if on fire.
Living became demoralizing, and it amplified without her.

Presume that while hiding pain, the feeling will subdue.
The thoughts would stop, and the chaos concludes.
Which never came to be since the madness grew.
Hated who I was, and it became the truth.

I love you, mom. Sorry for the pain.
It's never intended, but it happens again.
Forgive my actions; I know it's insane.
Sorry but not even 1,000 words can explain.

I thought the secret to wealth was to invest.
Now I hold three jobs due to how that went.
Can't manifest success; I don't have enough for rent.
I fight to survive. It's what I recommend.

My actions reflect my thoughts, but it's covered with snow. Innocent intentions prevent pain to undergo. At least, that's what I assume. I'm stuck in foam. Failed to commit suicide. The only decision that was my own.

Don't cry mom the love always remains.
You can't change the current of a river nor what it contains. Dred is guaranteed in life you just can't complain. Live with ignorance so that the stress is detained.

I wanted to call before but never had the courage. Funny you didn't answer, so I can leave a message.
I didn't want to disappoint you with the life that I lived. I wanted help, but you gave me so much as a kid.

My dream as a writer has hit a roadblock. Can't afford an open mic entry, the passion has stopped. Pinched my heart, my future was cropped. Scavenge essentials as if I live in a swamp.

Don't blame yourself; you did all that you could. So have I back when the lifestyle was good. Once it collapsed like a house above wood. I noticed all the wrongs and living was misunderstood.

Your forever etched in my heart in case you didn't know. I'm done with the pain and not enough dough.
Unable to thrive while taking agony slow. As above so below.

With a negative balance that's higher than my bills. I sit and ponder as I gulp an advil. Stuck in a thought loop while trying to chill. As others my age party like they do in Brazil.

My last call take it seriously. This should eliminate the pain in theory. Fade away like the mind before sleeping. Commit unlike last time, seeking relief. Don't bother sending this message to Lizzy. I tried to, but of course, she's busy.