Watch My Credit Burn

I sit on enough, but watch my credit burn. Try to keep up with the payments to act like it doesn't hurt. But when these payments overflow, a paycheck. Can't stress enough to think nor rest. Juggling a relationship and an image, trying to master both. Become an idol for my siblings without distracting them from what comes first. A fortune crumbles like a game of Jenga. Holding onto what's left like a widow with no agenda. Patience plays with my demons. The rats consume the rest of the crumbs. My ego gets a test for the heart, but fails as if there was none. Working to die, but taking it slow. Kill seriousness to understand the joke. Predicting an outcome in reality, nope. Trying to plan a day even though it won't. Nothing follows through completely. The unexpected is wild like a bottle of whiskey. Stop please but no it keeps the pain going. Trying to fight what I can't hit as if it wasn't approaching. Falling, but then I look up to watch the clouds rolling. Looking back at me as if it finished smoking.

Sorry I tried, but life is tough. Can't hold onto much because it's never enough. The mind is powerful, but dangerous under pressure. In a box with my soul balancing a lecture. Now in a world of chaos what is there to take, because you can't please yourself if it doesn't replace the hate.

I sit on enough but watch my credit burn. Bring my girl out to dinner with intentions to respect her. Stayed with me through it all despite the concerns. Trying to learn that love is earned. Yet in return, I can't manage to be devoting. Always moving but not exposing. Air too thick, it got me choking. The debt was actually patrolling. Laughing at me poking. Got me pissed enough to go strolling. I wish I could be more present. Work divides us in order to pay rent. Can't go out nor enjoy a day. Her patience doesn't help turning the atmosphere gray. She gets bored with the process. I'm not roving. I like to relax and rest as if it's snowing. We also have a dog, our daughter. Squeezing more out of me, making the pressure harder. A Pomsky with a crave for affection. Beautiful and filled with joy and attention. She also became a responsibility. To walk, feed and wash, time became obsolete. Bills got me underwater, but I do my best. Set aside enough to create a memory outside the apartment. I do my part to clean and organize. Wash clothes before I prioritize, but nevertheless I can't be what she desires. Because arguments are more common than a house fire.

Sorry I tried but life is tough. Can't hold onto much because it's never enough. The mind is powerful but dangerous under pressure. In a box with my soul balancing a lecture. Now in a world of chaos, what is there to take. Because you can't please yourself if it doesn't replace the hate.

I sit on enough but watch my credit burn. Trying to keep an image for my family to yearn. Can't ask for help, my ego doesn't let me. A reputation ruined because of managing money. I would get smothered by "I told you so". A father's disappointment would do more than just show. Proving my worth would lead to defeat. Can't rain this down on my mother because her health is more in need. Started investing started small. Invested a couple of thousand because it started to pay off. Turned 6 to about 50k. Bought a new phone and car along the way. Was at my prime, enjoyed life and helped everyone. Then we had a recession that killed all, my profits were gunned. Hanging out like a patio. Talking to my siblings like a YouTube video. Be careful to love each other. I know it's tough to see. We are different, sure, but forget the jealousy. Hold down the greed, it's okay to disagree. Love is guaranteed, just don't fear the need to proceed. I know you all, so I ask please. Ditch the fighting because it's not worth it to bleed. I do love you all enough to not cause worry.

I sit on it enough, it's what I convey. Can't say it's a lie, but more a delay. A way to display to show that I'm okay. So I spray this essay, but not to repay. It's a weight on my shoulders that I had to push away. Even though my mind is in disarray. Here is the truth laid out like a buffet. I gave it my all, an effort I hope isn't avoided, but I do need help, sorry if you're disappointed.