Loss of a World

I've been told you have to know when to draw a line
Within my mind rests a sleepless malice
This can't have been my life's design
Emotions toughen and harden like a callous

I have been a soldier for as long as I can remember
The streets, middle east, or against myself
I can picture when things fell apart, it was late September
Essentially, I had to place my life on a shelf

I was told I wasn't good enough to continue
No matter what I did, nothing could bring back what I had
The amount of tears couldn't be held by a tissue
These are things no one will understand

I despise that a lot of my life remains unknown
Either by trauma, my inability to accept, or national security
So many small pieces of the whole that reminds me I'm alone
No longer do I have control over my body, no authority

Regardless, I push my mind and body to it's limit
More often than not I end up damaging something
I carry on like nothing is wrong, I'm complicit
The worst of it all is I don't even think about it, nothing

The dreams I have had have turned to ash in my mouth
I try so hard to be what others see in me
Always doing what I'm supposed to do as a spouse
Hopefully I at least get there to some degree

As the world grows darker within me
I can't help but wonder of what could've been
The start of the decline was always my knee
Forevermore I'll hold my darkest secrets within

As I sit here letting the ink from my pen bleed
I pour what's left of my soul on the page
I have to accept the outcome and concede
That until the end, I'll always be locked in a cage.