Caked Tears
Caked Tears
I’m tired of the tears that dry
On my face after I cry
I’m exhausted from trying to choose
Which parts of me to keep and which parts to lose
Hope sparks in my chest
But then it leaves and I long for rest
It should be before my eyes
But any motivation dies
I know the answers lie not far ahead
But I just want to sit in my bed
I want to give into the hole
I just want to do as I’m told
Do I pray
What words do I say
Do I praise the Lord
Then will I receive a reward
Do I pull out verses
Even the ones that feel like curses
Drowning in the options
Overwhelmed by the toxins
It’s hard to breathe
I just want this doubt to leave
Something sturdy to hold on to
World is spinning and I just wanna puke
I’m sobbing into blankets
Filled with possible regrets
It’s so easy, just pull the switch
But I inside am a snitch
Biting back at myself
Decreasing health
Been thru this before
But fog is blinding and I can’t find the door
Groping for a way out
I can’t cope right now
Do I sing or do I cry
Do I pray or do I pry
Do I ask or do I seek
When will I stop feeling so weak
Overwhelming me by all sides
I’m just trying to hide
I wanna make my mark
But where do I even start
Will I ever be anything
Will I ever achieve that dream
Where am I in this mess
Can’t find myself through the stress
Muffled voices and a jumbled mind
An invisible answer I’m trying’a find
I misjudged my situation
I just want a vacation
I need a break from it all
But then how on earth do I call
Doubts about myself
Doubts about my faith
Legs are weak from this race
What’s happening to my mental health
Breaking down from the weight
Building up like a tower
Knocked down again and again
Was it something I said
A roar inside
Loud enough to make me lie
Under blankets at night
Crying is my only fight
Save me, God
I cry out
More comes my way
I couldn’t hear what He had to say
Stumbling over my feet
I just want a sweet release
I want to be assured
I want to be cured
I want time to stop flying by
Going to fast for my eyes
I need to be comforted
I’m just a kid
I’m just a kid
How did I find my way into this
I want a way out
I want to extinguish the doubt
This isn’t a bout
This isn’t me tryina shout
This is me writing
This is me fighting
This is me asking for help
Because I don’t know how I felt
Feelings slip away
Drugged state makes me sway
Tears blurr my sight
Something doesn’t feel right
I’m at some great height
Lost in the deep dark night
Like a movie I wake up again
Getting through how I always have been
Wake up and move through my day
I have nothing meaningful to say
Go to bed tangled in blankets
Fighting the monsters that were sent
Nightmares that don’t exist
Only in my imagination
But that’s powerful
It consumes my soul
I slip away in a world of distractions
Driving a car with no traction
Views flash from side to side
At least I tried
But I didn’t and man, that hurts
But what I’m going through can’t possibly be the worst
Folding in on myself like clothes do
An actor on stage awaiting their cue
I need a wake up call
Before I fall
I need to snap back
Before the world cracks
Like a snow globe under the water
At first the crack is just a small bother
But sooner or later it spiderwebs
And now I’m asking what God says
But I can’t hear over the rushing sound
Wondering if a drowned body gets found
How long till lost hope and tears surround
How long to this anchor will I be bound
Stuck to the sea floor
Wish I could do more
Feeling so useless
Feelings museless
No inspiration
Is it from a lack of vacation
Or maybe this world is takin’
Another shot at breakin’
Me down
With that weighted frown
Thought I was over this
But the problem is
I’ll be stuck here until I die
They say God is Semper Fi
But I dunno bout that
Because I do a trust fall but just fall flat
On my back, got the wind knocked out
Trying to breathe and shout
But it comes out as a wheeze
As I beg, “please”
But nothing sounds
Looks like there is no one around
I know my eyes are closed and I’m just playin’
But listen to the words that I am sayin’
I need someone to open them for me
All I want is to see
I need someone to open them for me
So Jesus, please help me see
June 28th
About this poem
A poem about struggles in my faith and doubt of if I will ever reach my purpose that God has for me. Of if I will ever be enough or be someone.
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Written on June 26, 2023
Submitted by katherineb.45444 on August 22, 2023
- 4:41 min read
- 3 Views
Quick analysis:
Scheme | Text too long |
---|---|
Closest metre | Iambic trimeter |
Characters | 4,296 |
Words | 937 |
Stanzas | 75 |
Stanza Lengths | 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2 |
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"Caked Tears" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/167093/caked-tears>.
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