Analysis of The Haughty Actor
AN actor - GIBBS, of Drury Lane -
Of very decent station,
Once happened in a part to gain
Excessive approbation:
It sometimes turns a fellow's brain
And makes him singularly vain
When he believes that he receives
Tremendous approbation.
His great success half drove him mad,
But no one seemed to mind him;
Well, in another piece he had
Another part assigned him.
This part was smaller, by a bit,
Than that in which he made a hit.
So, much ill-used, he straight refused
To play the part assigned him.
THAT NIGHT THAT ACTOR SLEPT, AND I'LL ATTEMPT
TO TELL YOU OF THE VIVID DREAM HE DREAMT.
In fighting with a robber band
(A thing he loved sincerely)
A sword struck GIBBS upon the hand,
And wounded it severely.
At first he didn't heed it much,
He thought it was a simple touch,
But soon he found the weapon's bound
Had wounded him severely.
To Surgeon COBB he made a trip,
Who'd just effected featly
An amputation at the hip
Particularly neatly.
A rising man was Surgeon COBB
But this extremely ticklish job
He had achieved (as he believed)
Particularly neatly.
The actor rang the surgeon's bell.
"Observe my wounded finger,
Be good enough to strap it well,
And prithee do not linger.
That I, dear sir, may fill again
The Theatre Royal Drury Lane:
This very night I have to fight -
So prithee do not linger."
"I don't strap fingers up for doles,"
Replied the haughty surgeon;
"To use your cant, I don't play ROLES
Utility that verge on.
First amputation - nothing less -
That is my line of business:
We surgeon nobs despise all jobs
Utility that verge on.
"When in your hip there lurks disease"
(So dreamt this lively dreamer),
"Or devastating CARIES
In HUMERUS or FEMUR,
If you can pay a handsome fee,
Oh, then you may remember me -
With joy elate I'll amputate
Your HUMERUS or FEMUR."
The disconcerted actor ceased
The haughty leech to pester,
But when the wound in size increased,
And then began to fester,
He sought a learned Counsel's lair,
And told that Counsel, then and there,
How COBB'S neglect of his defect
Had made his finger fester.
"Oh, bring my action, if you please,
The case I pray you urge on,
And win me thumping damages
From COBB, that haughty surgeon.
He culpably neglected me
Although I proffered him his fee,
So pray come down, in wig and gown,
On COBB, that haughty surgeon!"
That Counsel learned in the laws,
With passion almost trembled.
He just had gained a mighty cause
Before the Peers assembled!
Said he, "How dare you have the face
To come with Common Jury case
To one who wings rhetoric flings
Before the Peers assembled?"
Dispirited became our friend -
Depressed his moral pecker -
"But stay! a thought! - I'll gain my end,
And save my poor exchequer.
I won't be placed upon the shelf,
I'll take it into Court myself,
And legal lore display before
The Court of the Exchequer."
He found a Baron - one of those
Who with our laws supply us -
In wig and silken gown and hose,
As if at NISI PRIUS.
But he'd just given, off the reel,
A famous judgment on Appeal:
It scarce became his heightened fame
To sit at NISI PRIUS.
Our friend began, with easy wit,
That half concealed his terror:
"Pooh!" said the Judge, "I only sit
In BANCO or in Error.
Can you suppose, my man, that I'd
O'er NISI PRIUS Courts preside,
Or condescend my time to spend
On anything but Error?"
"Too bad," said GIBBS, "my case to shirk!
You must be bad innately,
To save your skill for mighty work
Because it's valued greatly!"
But here he woke, with sudden start.
He wrote to say he'd play the part.
I've but to tell he played it well -
The author's words - his native wit
Combined, achieved a perfect "hit" -
The papers praised him greatly.
Scheme | ababaacb dedeffxe xx ghghiixh jhjHkkxH lmlmxaxm nbnOxpxO qmcmhhxm rmrmssxm qoxbhhxb xtxTuuxT vmvmwwxm xpxcyyxc fmfmzzvm 1 h1 h2 2 lffh |
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Poetic Form | |
Metre | 11011101 1101010 11000111 010010 10110101 01110001 11011101 010010 11011111 1111111 10010111 0101011 11110101 11011101 11111101 1101011 1111010101 1111010111 01010101 0111010 01110101 0101010 11110111 11110101 11110101 1101010 11011101 110101 1010101 100010 01011101 110101001 11011101 100010 01010101 0111010 11011111 011110 11111101 010010101 11011111 111110 11110111 0101010 11111111 0100111 1010101 1111110 11010111 0100111 10111101 1111010 11001 0100110 11110101 11110101 1101110 1100110 01101 0101110 11010101 0101110 1101101 01110101 11011110 1111010 11110111 0111111 01110100 1111010 110101 1110111 11110101 1111010 1101001 110110 11110101 0101010 11111101 11110101 11111001 0101010 010001101 011101 11011111 011110 11110101 1110111 01010101 011010 11010111 11101011 01010101 11111 11110101 01010101 11011101 11111 101011101 1101110 11011101 0101010 11011111 1011101 1011111 110110 11111111 1111010 11111101 0111010 11111101 11111101 11111111 01011101 01010011 0101110 |
Closest metre | Iambic tetrameter |
Characters | 3,556 |
Words | 685 |
Sentences | 37 |
Stanzas | 16 |
Stanza Lengths | 8, 8, 2, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 5, 5 |
Lines Amount | 116 |
Letters per line (avg) | 24 |
Words per line (avg) | 6 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 175 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 42 |
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Submitted on May 13, 2011
Modified on April 12, 2023
- 3:29 min read
- 68 Views
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"The Haughty Actor" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/41299/the-haughty-actor>.
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