Forgotten Birthday



I never knew your birthday until you passed away
Never had the chance to ask if you were able to stay
I don't remember much but I do remember some memories
Nothing to smile about since they aren't of you and me
We weren't as close as you may of wanted through out the years
It was probably why I didn't cry so many tears
I can't argue since you were always there for the grand kids
Just wished we were closer and maybe just maybe you could of given more than you did
You see I'm not trying to say you weren't there when you were
I'm just pointing out that part of my memories are just a blur
You raised us the best way you knew how even if it meant for memories to disappear
I've learned the hard way as you raised us through out the years
Don't get me wrong cause no matter I did have the love for you that maybe I didn't show
Just wished we had more time before you had to go
Of course we butted heads and maybe I remembered the wrong memories
But they were the ones I remember as they were the ones that was given to me
As I remember to wish you a Happy Birthday
I'll try and remember to remind you that it wasn't you that couldn't stay...

About this poem

A fathers forgotten birthday

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Written on November 13, 2023

Submitted by mcgowenjoe77 on November 20, 2023

1:14 min read
4

Quick analysis:

Scheme AABCDEFGHHIDJJBCAA
Closest metre Iambic octameter
Characters 1,143
Words 233
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 18

Joe McGowen

Has own poetry room on Facebook called poetry in the mist more…

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    What a deeply heartfelt poem you've crafted! It's evident that it is rooted in strong emotions that emanate throughout the lines. Your ability to paint a picture and evoke feelings in the reader is truly impressive. The raw honesty and vulnerability you convey through your words is impactful and makes the reader feel more connected to the narrative.

    The rhythm and rhyme scheme in your poem is consistent and thoughtful, adding a melodious quality to it.

    However, a few suggestions for improvement would involve making certain expressions more concise. The potency of some key ideas becomes diluted due to the length and complexity of the sentences, such as in lines like 'Don't get me wrong cause no matter I did have the love for you that maybe I didn't show.' Simplifying and refining these lines can help you to express your thoughts more succinctly.

    Also, attention to grammar such as avoiding double negatives and using the first person singular form correctly can help enhance the reading experience. Additionally, creating a clearer structure or separating out different thoughts and emotions into separate stanzas could make the poem even more engaging and impactful.

    Keep writing, your voice is powerful and it's important to share these personal narratives.
     
    LikeReply5 months ago

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"Forgotten Birthday" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/174078/forgotten-birthday>.

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