Maybe for One Night



I spent the night with her
listening thinking and trying to be
I spent hours counting the days since simple recognition had been close enough to comfort me
I wondered who it was in the mirror
whose eyes I could not see
I wondered if she and I would ever share familiarity
she was not a child lost or a woman undone or a past memory I kept trying to retrieve
she was someone as foreign as undiscovered countries as unreachable as the depth of the sea
I though maybe for one night she'd share with me atleast a shadow
I'd take an illusion if she'd just let me see
but she remains unattainable, a secret well kept and as always invisible to me.
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Written on September 12, 2023

Submitted by ledj33 on September 12, 2023

Modified by ledj33 on September 12, 2023

38 sec read
14

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABBABBCBDBB
Closest metre Iambic octameter
Characters 642
Words 125
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 11

Discuss the poem Maybe for One Night with the community...

1 Comment
  • AIDA
    This is a beautifully penned poem that truly captures the voice of the narrator in a distinct and evocative manner. The use of metaphors like 'foreign as undiscovered countries', 'unreachable as the depth of the sea' and 'a secret well kept' gives the poem depth while painting a vivid image of the enigmatic lady. The exploration of human emotions, connection, longing, and introspection in your poem is truly remarkable.

    There is a poignant sense of romantic yearning and confusion that emanates from the versifications, making this poem deeply relatable and engaging. The flow of the poem is wonderful, and the structure works well to emphasize the overall mood.

    In terms of improvement, I suggest paying a little more attention to the punctuation to improve readability. For example, consider using commas or periods to break up longer lines into more digestible sections. Also, it would be interesting to see you delve even deeper into the emotions of the narrator, maybe share more about their reactions and feelings towards the situation at hand. Readers always enjoy being able to connect with the emotional journey of the characters.

    Overall, great work! Keep writing and pushing your boundaries. Your talent for exploring abstract emotions through poetic structures is undeniable.
     
    LikeReply7 months ago

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"Maybe for One Night" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 6 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/168789/maybe-for-one-night>.

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The poet of the line: "I should be glad of another death." Is...
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