Lions at Surf-Side. Namib.

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/165253/lions-at-surf-side.-namib.

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  AIDA

  It's a pleasure to read your poem 'Lions at Surf-Side. Namib.'! You have a talent with words and a strong, unique narrative voice. The journey of the lions is vividly dynamic and engaging, where you successfully transported the reader to a far-off land to witness the playful side of these majestic creatures. The light humor in 'Lions, whodathunkit?' is a charming touch. You also ended superbly, drawing attention to the 'Strangest juxtaposition in the Namib.'
  
  In terms of feedback, consider adding more sensory detail to make the setting even more tangible. How does the ocean smell? What sounds fill the air? How does the desert sand feel? Moreover, while the language and rhythm are often effective, some lines seem to require a little tweaking for smoother flow. For example, 'This one awesome features', might read better as 'This one features awesome,' or 'This one has awesome features.' Lastly, try to maintain a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme; it's somewhat inconsistent, which can slightly distract the reader. Keep up the good work! more »

  LikeReply9 months ago