Sibling

Crossing finish line
Life at its end
Thought at that time
Where do I begin

His life and his safety
Or my insecurity
Sad about his state
Or with reference to me

Money in future
Matter to ponder
Him not in the scene
How will I fulfill my dreams

Love for him
Or need for him
Miss him period
Or miss him for a period

Replaced my father
All duties in order
My mother silent Spectator
Did his due more than required

Got me into school
College and a job to do
Helped my enterprise
Sharing his office space

Grateful forever
Such an elder brother
Never seen another
Made him my lifes  special  feature

Many aspects of life
Made it his quest
To see me fulfilled
Happy and tranquil

Did so from birth
Till date no dearth
Expectations fulfilled
For nothing I did

Put him on a pedestal
He was my role model
Emulating him my goal
From the bottom of my soul

Across the dark side
Is making me sweat
Missing him from the heart
I'm unable to tell apart
Left stranded on this side
Scared rest of my life

Selfishness aside
Everything brush aside
His presence a better bargain
Abscence all will go in vain

Commercial or Emotional
Beneficial or detrimental
Safe or Sorry
Reality or Worry

Differences many
Regarded him as a bully
Took me to the cleaners
Everytime I made a blunder

Uncensored words
Treating me like a turd
Questioned my emotions
Lack of genuineness

Put me down
Not worth a dime
Ambitions down the pipeline
Being born a crime

Every behavior mocked
Opposed and joked
Gestures ridiculed
Just to prove that he could

Cause of misery
Education and wedlock
Second fiddle to spouse
Not a good quality to espouse

Directly affected
By his wife and her methods
Joined the brigade
My faults to parade

Like him or dislike him
Always the split
Severe internal struggle
Pendulum in the middle

Weigh the both
Traders we are not
Value to emotion
Not a human notion

Fight for his stature
When insulted for his nature
Act mature or immature
Never know even in the future

Entire gamut covered
The good the bad and the ugly
Weighing machine cannot weigh
Had only 2 to sway

He lies in the hospital
My feeling not clear
His life I hold dear
Do I hold him near ?

50 years life led
Straight and complex
Feelings mixed
Or am I fooling  myself???

Worshipped him
Feared him
Hated him
Fought him
Ignored him
Forgave him