Worth in Weight

I'm not worth more than I was
But I do feel a different way
I see the world in numbers now
It is dull and bland and coarse
The shame i feel
It was always there
Within the guilt of a polished plate
And while listening to my ill thoughts
I learned to live life differently
No longer do I think of beautiful things
Instead I think of the numbers in a spoonful of custard I've eaten
Or the distance between my thighs the next morning
It's not that I dont want to let go
It's just that I've never felt like I was worth any more than this