Nowadays...

Nowadays…
The kind of hopelessness that makes you suffer not anything
At smallest amount
At least unhappiness is a little
I suffer zilch
Just a vacant worthlessness
Sitting at my side, holding my hand
I attempt to recognize what I desire from living
However this meaninglessness continues holding me back
I strive to realize why
Why?
Why?
Why?
I'm so miserable nowadays
Why am I so cheerless nowadays?
No responds appear
Merely a sea of feelings too bottomless for me to perceive
Subterranean beneath the surface of the murky indigo deep-sea
I go for a dip and swim and swim to them,
Struggle to take hold of them with my hand nevertheless
They slither away and
I never really know why
Nowadays I am heartbroken, lonesome and damaged when
Former times I was contented, agitated and repaired I just
Can't outline why I go back and forth similar to some kind of
Self-indulgent pastimes of tug of war fool around by the devil.
I desire a bit more out of existence than this perplexity
These damages
This momentary contentment I just desire to experience
I desire to experience significance
Nowadays I don't experience value
These days
These days
These days
A unchanging sum of nowadays and my existence seems to just desire to squander them
On incomprehensible unhappiness
As I pursue and dart and struggle to grasp an beyond my reach
Contentment….