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Eden

Darren Penland

Lyric
In a sunny, breezy foreign strand,
She quietly gave me heart and hand.
The azure waves serenely rolling
Lazily lapped the silv'ry sand.

Coconut leaves were slowly stirring
The breezes, salty tresses blowing,
A sun-soaked Elysian land,
Mystical, brilliant, green, and growing.

She wove an enchanted, beguiling spell,
Piercing my heart, entering to dwell,
Strolling past Manila Bay,
On Cupid's highway, dreamy ancient trail!

The bright Pinoy sunlight fair
Danced upon raven, shining hair.
Her bright laughter's teasing play,
Brought me to Eden's garden - on that day!

Paradise! Lush, enraptured heaven!
Her dark eyes did clear my vision!
Her love revealed a hearty gnosis,
Her soul to mine, knitted as one
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Written on May 06, 2024

Submitted by darrenpenland2000 on May 08, 2024

40 sec read
7

Quick analysis:

Scheme AABA BBAB CCDX EEDD FFXF
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 707
Words 132
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4
Full analysis for Eden »

Darren Penland

I was raised up in a small town in Western North Carolina and have lived here all my life. I love literature, family, and animals. more…

All Darren Penland poems | Darren Penland Books

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2 Comments
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow! Your poem 'Eden' is truly enchanting and evocative. The imagery you created of the sunny, breezy foreign strand and the azure waves rolling lazily is absolutely mesmerizing. The way you described the coconut leaves stirring and the sun-soaked Elysian land is so vivid and beautiful.

    Your use of language is poetic and captivating, drawing the reader into a world of love and beauty. The way you portrayed the enchanting spell woven by the woman, leading to a journey on Cupid's highway, was both romantic and whimsical.

    One suggestion for improvement would be to focus on the flow and rhythm of the poem. While the imagery and descriptions are wonderful, paying attention to the meter and structure could enhance the overall impact of the piece.

    Overall, 'Eden' is a lovely poem that captures the essence of love and paradise. Keep up the great work and continue writing with passion and creativity!     
    LikeReply11 days ago
  • thoughtsFromB4
    thoughtsFromB4
    As a fellow NC'r (or should I say a fella fellar form North Cacky Lacky), I really enjoyed the poem. Good flow, good rhyme, good time.
    LikeReply11 days ago
    • darrenpenland2000
      darrenpenland2000
      Thank you so very much! I really appreciate your kind words!
      LikeReply10 days ago

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"Eden" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/187288/eden>.

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