Obsession

Obsession
Love, my hyperfixation.
I thought I could not breathe without you,
As it turns out I cannot breathe without the feeling that love gives me.
I thought I was better,
But now I know that this will never happen,
I just fall into the same old habits.
My life was never better,
I was just stuck wearing rose-tinted glasses.
Substituting real love for fiction,
Suddenly the colour is back.
Romance, is it the best idea?
It is the one thing that makes me happy,
The one thing for me to look forward to.
Without my attention on others, my attention would be forced back upon myself,
And as I see it, I am not doing too well.
When I wrote those poems, I was obsessed with the feeling of you,
The idea of you,
But not you.
I still love you, I do.
But I fear that this obsession borderlines unhealthy.
When you are the only thing that makes me happy,
Do you ever get a break?
Like an addiction, I can't pull away.
That rush, that feeling, it pulls me in
No matter how many times it hurts me,
No matter how much focus I spend on it.
I won't return to life before, I refuse it.