The War Outside and The War Within

"Everything is fine, everything's OK"
That's what I say throughout every day

I told my sister, her cat, to no one too,
If I say it enough, then it must be true.

But me, I'm on pause
Feeling all my flaws
Trying to find the cause
Meditating on what was

But with this war, gee wow
Gotta focus on the now

For when I die I have one goal
And that's to feel complete and whole

I thought I had time- like a lot,
But death may be sooner than i thought
I don't want to die feeling distraught

So I accept my past,
For I can't heal it that fast.
That's simply what I had to do,
I chose to forget my future too

I know any day
A rocket may come my way,
Or terrorists will leave me on display,
Or turn my home into an ashtray

And if I die I want to embrace it,
Not feel like my potential was wasted,
To reach a good place, not just to chase it

Don't have time for past,
And the future might not be,
So I'm stuck in the present- I'm stuck here with me.

With the war outside, and the war within
I chose the war I can battle, the war I can win
I have to win- you all know why
Because if I don't, and I just die
What was the point?
I can't even cry.

I feel numb, my mind's in a cloud
But that just won't do, no, that's not allowed.
I will be present and I will be proud.