Hard On Myself

I know you will never understand the shit I hold from the past
Never being good enough, no matter the times I tried
Cursed like a bastard dog for failing the one I desperately wanted to love me
Eventually becoming angry, beyond even my own control.
No one should live their young life failing and being called stupid
Being threatened, harassed and unloved by a father who knew not peace
Stupid, ignorant,asshole and dumbass I was called almost daily
Until I turned sixteen and swore to his face I'd kill him if he pushed me again.
Not many live a life daily for nearly sixteen years in fear
Not many I pray, no not one,
The cursing I endured now repeats in my head...I can't make it stop
I have to get away, fearing my own hatred, for myself
Never good enough, failure now, forces my mind to seize
Now cursing myself, as my father did, only to turn away
Shelter, cover and face my own internal wrath
It is in times of joy my sadness returns, to make it hard on myself.