Dad

My dad
When I think of you I want to remember the good times,
The trips the fun, the cakes,
The hours spent loving you and being proud.

But when I think of you now I am reduced to fear,
Fear of what you will say, fear of what others will say,
Fear of my own thoughts.

Are you ill or is this just who you were all along, are you sad or has your hearts song just become so bitter that it doesn’t resonate, at all that I am your child and I tried so hard to do all I could for you, have you been reduced to the sum of the people who listen to your words and believe what you think.

I am left saddened and hurt, crushed by the outcome, powerless to fix it, and forced to endure it, I am left to live and that’s ok but forced to watch your torment as you disappear more everyday. The person you were is no longer here and the person you are is someone to fear.  

I wish you good bye as the man that I knew, and I distance myself from the shape that is you.  You are no one to me and when you are gone I will mourn the man that started the song but I will leave him where he is entrenched in my mind and I will breath easy knowing that you are gone.