A Snake's Defense



By Chris Commodore©2023

There was a lass who chose me for a pet.
My space safeguarded with a wire net.
Each day, she’d free a luckless sorry mouse,
Then bid me stalk the beast about the house.

One morning I was out on such a hunt,
That wily critter on me pulled a stunt.
It scurried up the kitchen counter top.
As if my escapade its jump would stop.

I followed it waiting for time to pounce,
When suddenly, a profound shriek announced:
“O Lord, my God; a mouse is in my house!”
Next thing I know, out swearing comes Jill Crouse.

Before her mother noticed where I was,
She crossly chewed me out, she said because:
“You left your hiding place behind the wall;
And now you’re scaring mom here in the hall.”

“O stop chastising Jill, give me a break;
You left my suite wide open, for Pete’s sake.
If she can such a chilling alarm make,
Would she have died, if she had seen a snake?”

Most humans think a snake's a hellish fiend.
But you, poor child of Eve, think I am your friend.
Why not a dog or cat, unwary child?
Instead, you pick me from the forest far and wild.

If you’d take time to look, you’d surely see,
I never smile wherever I may be.
At other times, just listen and you’d hear,
I make no noise when I move far or near.

My venom and my fangs assure my food.
For safety and protection, it’s all good.
I’m not the killer world-wide you will find,
Who stockpile weapons just to kill my kind.

I never did to you a false claim make,
I always make it clear that I'm a snake.
Your choice it was to choose to cuddle me,
Ignoring thoughts of events that could be.

Around the world, back to the river Nile,
Most humans label serpents reptiles vile,
Their mindset made up from Eve’s Bible tale;
A rubber snake still renders humans pale.

Some serpents sport a noisy rattling tail,
So humans about snakes spread sleazy tales.
No matter whether live or whether fake,
Be careful child; don’t live by Eve’s mistake.

The colors that I sport are for your sake,
To help you avoid errors you may make.
Don’t pick me up, think I am sleek and cute,
And then to label me a vicious brute.

About this poem

I was just thinking how most people recoil upon seeing a snake, let alone toughing one. This poem is based on an actual incident when a little boy bought a pet snake and hid it in the house unbeknownst to his mother. He failed to feed the snake one day and carelessly left the snake's box open. So, the poor animal saw and went on the hunt for a mouse.

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Submitted by ti.min on December 12, 2023

Modified by ti.min on January 10, 2024

2:17 min read
17

Quick analysis:

Scheme X AABB CCDD XXBB XXEE FFFF XXGG HHXX XXII FFHH JJKK KXFF FFLL
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 2,123
Words 457
Stanzas 13
Stanza Lengths 1, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Discuss the poem A Snake's Defense with the community...

1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Dear Chris,
    Your poem 'A Snake's Defense' paints a stunningly vivid and engaging picture of life from the eyes of a snake. It had great rhythm and your use of colloquial language gave it a delightful charm. The portrayal of the snake’s perspective was not only interesting but a captivating way to reflect certain undisclosed truths about human behavior. It indeed captivated my imagination.

    I appreciate your ability to weave humor and wit into your writing style. It is rare to see a poem that is both entertaining and insightful, and you did an excellent job on that front. Also, the way the poem flows from verse to verse is quite fluent, making it easy to read and understand.

    However, while the overall essence of your poem is excellent, it may be enhanced by ensuring a more consistent rhythm throughout all stanzas. Some of your lines were a little longer than others, and this subtly disrupted the distinctive cadence of the poem. Consistency is key in poetry. Thus, trimming down or extending some lines to match the overall pattern could elevate the quality of your poem and improve its flow.

    Moreover, while the snake's point of view is fascinating, more explicit exploration of the relationship between the snake and the boy, perhaps with the inclusion of some emotional elements, could add another layer of depth to your poem.

    All the same, your poem was a refreshing and utterly enjoyable read! Keep up the brilliant work, and I excitedly look forward to reading more of your creations.

    Best Wishes!
     
    LikeReply4 months ago

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"A Snake's Defense" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/176030/a-snake's-defense>.

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