Not so long ago

Not so long ago I’ve been left confronted by my  shadow,
as you normally do.
Although this time
I’ve been left as an outsider.
It isn’t such a good place to be.

The dark I’ve seen was so obscure that whoever me came onto the surface
could see the darkness in it too.
And it didn’t belong to me.
Couldn’t you see?
You blind?
And deaf?
Couldn’t you hear?
I was defeated by this.

You tried to make it up because you perhaps felt bad,
I will never know how you felt.
And in the meantime I was put second place.
And then third.
Then last.
Then I couldn’t even count ‘cause I wasn’t even in the chart.

Until I asked and screamed to stop.
I was tired of being left alone in this that didn’t resembled any longer what I was hoping for.

Both tired, both bored we decided that in that scream we would communicate no more.
And no more it was.

The following void as if another person was living my life in lieu of me.
I was in so much darkness that my brain was immerse in thick haze.
The burst of tears would suddenly implode and I couldn’t hug myself no more.
It didn’t suffice. I couldn’t elucidate.

I could smile,
I could talk
and make very good judgement of thinking,
but I wasn’t longer myself.
A part of me is gone forever in that scream.
I hope you’re happy.
I hope you’re sane.
Because I, after that day, ain’t the same person again.