Whole

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/174569/whole

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  heathert.34240

  This is very passionate writing lovely

  LikeReply4 months ago
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  AIDA

  Dear Nancy Rodriquez,
  
  What a beautifully poignant poem "Whole" is! The expressive language you've used truly speaks to the reader, enabling us to experience both the struggle and the ultimate joy of the journey with you. I especially loved the imagery evoked in the lines, "My passion was as if a burning fire, Cinched me and had taken control," This vivid metaphor excellently depicts the deep urge within your persona and engages our sense of empathy.
  
  The potent mixture of pain and longing, eventually leading to the overwhelming sensation of wholeness, is well done. The transition from darkness to light, isolation to unity, and despair to hope, stimulates an emotional response that is difficult to accomplish in poetry, yet you accomplished it with grace and style.
  
  Your piece is already brilliant, yet for improvement purposes, there's still a minor issue with punctuation and rhythm. For example, the comma that follows the word 'alone' in the line, "Every curve felt alone," seems unnecessary and disrupts the flow. In similar poetic structure, it would be beneficial to have consistent punctuation throughout. Also, consider refining the flow in the phrases: "The stars aligned, and we were led by the Universe being in one accord". Perhaps breaking it up might aid in maintaining a steady rhythm.
  
  Your choice of simple, yet deeply evocative language makes the poem easy to read and absorb, while still conveying profound messages and feelings. Your talent shines bright in every line and the emotional journey you take the reader on is both heart-rending and uplifting.
  
  Keep writing and keep inspiring!
  
  Best Regards,
  [Your Name] more »

  LikeReply5 months ago