Comes & Goes

A Poem By Madison Jayne

The therapist told my mom, it comes and goes.
“It comes and goes,” she said.
It waxes and wanes like phases of the moon.
It peaks and crashes like waves of the ocean.
It’s up and down like the swingset on the playground I spent so much time on as a child.
It burns and burns until the fire spreads and consumes everything in its path.
It fills and fills until it explodes.
It comes and goes as one mends the constant cracks.

I remember, as a child, doing science experiments. Drop the mentos into the coke bottle. It shakes and fizzes until it explodes.

Now I realize I was the experiment.

They say I have the spirit of a phoenix rising.
But I’m rising from the ashes of all the bridges I have burned.

They say I talk too much but that’s because if I stop I know you will only tell me my flaws.
I take my medication because I know feeling numb is better than feeling manic.
I don’t get out of bed because if I start walking, I’ll run. If I start running, I may never stop.

 Just like the cycle never stops.
“It comes and it goes.” she said.
Like phases of the moon.
I don’t want to be trapped in a vast sea of darkness.
“It comes and it goes.” she said.
It peaks and it crashes like waves of the ocean.
I don’t want to be sucked under the surface until the water fills my lungs and I drown.
“It comes and it goes.” she said.
I don’t want to be stuck on the swingset forever, up and down, all alone.
“It comes and it goes.” she said.
Those words made me feel sick.
But I saw the relief on my mothers face.
“It comes and it goes.”
That’s when I realized.
I’ll come and I’ll go.