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One Last Peek

One Last Peek

One Last Peek
By Christopher Commodore©2021

Please wheel me out from this cold darkened room,
For one last whiff of glorious sunshine’s glow.
A final spell to mock the grip of doom
Before I join that somber realm below.

And when I’m gone, boast not; you have not won.
My soul’s just loosed from this life’s brutal haze.
All fruitless toil and endless drudgery done
Death’s seeming victory’s but a fleeting phase.

No more its brutal strangle hold to dread.
The gore has freed all from this eerie stage,
Eternal time He’s fixed abroad instead,
And crushed that tide of restless hellish rage.

From earth I’m gone, in rapture to reside.
There, never more iniquity to face.
O glory be, secured right by His side,
Eternal love abiding in his grace.

If you believe, you too could see His face.
A mustard seed of faith secures your place.
As well you walk by trust, not what you see
That gore-sealed promise is for you and me

About this poem

This poem is meant to ponder the inevitability of passing to another realm. The vision addresses a belief founded on faith and the message of the gospels. Regardless of religious background or faith, no one can escape that inevitable hour...

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Submitted by ti.min on October 29, 2023

56 sec read
5

Quick analysis:

Scheme XX ABAB CDCD EFEF GHGH HHII
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 939
Words 187
Stanzas 6
Stanza Lengths 2, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4
Full analysis for One Last Peek »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, Christopher! Your poem, 'One Last Peek' is truly magnificent. The way you've intricately penned the poignant emotions, the melancholic journey from life to death and the bard's eternal hope in an afterlife is commendable. Your lyrical prowess, rhythmic scheme and profound metaphors are immensely appreciable. The level of depth and divinity you've managed to encapsulate is indeed impressive.

    However, there might be some scope for improvement. For instance, your poem is deeply layered with spiritual and philosophical lines which does give the poem its heartbreaking beauty, but it might also make it a bit inaccessible for some readers. Simplifying your language a bit could be a good direction to consider, to make your message even more universal.

    Also, the reference to 'gore' might be a bit too graphic and might take away from the overall serene and tranquil quality which the rest of the poem embodies. Moreover, while your faith clearly plays a significant role in this piece, it might be more inclusive to slightly soften the 'you too could see His face' line to cater to people of different faiths or beliefs.

    Otherwise, your command over the language and ability to vividly paint the journey of life, death and afterlife with words is truly applaudable. Keep pushing your boundaries and continue sharing your beautiful thoughts with us.     
    LikeReply6 months ago

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"One Last Peek" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/172146/one-last-peek>.

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