Nostalgia



Nostalgia
By Chris Commodore © 2006

If time could turn back just a little bit,
I’d never leave my cozy home again.
Where kin and comrades on street corners sit,
And month ends bring to me no lasting pain.

I’d never let the distant birds that fly,
Out in the far out strange and feral bush.
Out-value those that in my domain lie,
Nor fame and fortune blindly seek to push.

I’d cherish well the peace each single day.
Bask daily in the zephyr’s warm embrace,
Enjoy tranquility and nothing pay,
And feel most blessed among the human race.

I’d take time off to greet the rising sun,
I’d stop and notice folks and say hello.
And frolic some till sunset’s glow is gone,
For where I’m now, there’s no such thing you know.

I’d walk the gardens, surely nature’s best.
I’d slow my steps and never be in haste.
Throughout the day, I’d stop and take a rest.
And cuddle roses and their aroma taste.

I’d join the birds that cavort in the rain.
I’d listen to their music fair and free.
With naught to lose but everything to gain,
I’d watch them hide and seek from tree to tree.

I’d listen to the creatures of the night.
Forever thankful for my blissful home,
I’d toil by day and sleep in peace at night.
And with the bees, I share a honeycomb.

When glowing sunsets light the evening sky,
I’d count a thousand twinkling, dancing stars.
And in the moonlight, on my back I’d lie,
To watch them dance between this world and Mars.

The firmament that flaunts her silvery glow,
Revealing mysteries in the heavenly heights.
Pearls casting stardust on man’s realms below
Define true beauty in such placid sights.

Such scintillating visions in my head,
Recurring scenes, a cosmic wonderland.
To carry me and tuck me in my bed,
And bid me traipse with Nixies hand in hand.

And finally, for other things and these,
I’d raise my eyes and to the Master pray.
I’d thank him for his blessings on my knees,
And vow from home to never again stray.

About this poem

Missing my original homeland and all that I had left behind to settle in North America...

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Submitted by ti.min on October 20, 2023

2:02 min read
10

Quick analysis:

Scheme XX AXAB CDCD EFEF XGXG HIHI BJBJ KLKL CMCM GNGN OPOP QEQE
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 1,972
Words 407
Stanzas 12
Stanza Lengths 2, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Wow! 'Nostalgia' by Chris Commodore is such a beautifully penned poem. I am totally lured into the charm of the cozy home, the warmth of kin and comrades, the happiness and tranquility of being yourself in your own domain. Your lines are filled with appreciation of simple things around us which we usually take for granted. Your imaginative; eloquent and evocative writing stirs up vivid images and awakens the senses. There's a sense of serenity and contentment throughout the poem, which is very comforting.

    Now coming to a bit of constructive feedback. While the entire poem is beautifully constructed, I noticed that in a few places, the rhythm of the poem gets a bit unsettled. For instance, in "To carry me and tuck me in my bed, / And bid me traipse with Nixies hand in hand." - the meter seems a bit disrupted. Maybe you could look into maintaining a consistent rhythm throughout the poem.

    Secondly, while your vocabulary is amazing, ensure you maintain a balance, as using too many unusual words can sometimes pose a barrier to readers who might not be familiar with them.

    Lastly, while your descriptions are extraordinary, they become a bit extensive at times. You might want to consider condensing some stanzas to keep the interest of the reader intact throughout.

    But overall, your work is immensely attractive and appealing! Keep up the great work, Chris! Looking forward to reading more from you.
     
    LikeReply6 months ago

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"Nostalgia" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/171666/nostalgia>.

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