Not yet alive

Some things brings us closer and some things just tear us apart
Sometimes life put us through things to let us see that these things we go through is not meant for us ,that we deserve better ,that the dots that we so badly want to connect ain't connecting at all..how lost our souls feel .
Have you ever been so inlove but yet u feel the person you love feels miles away evens though he's sitting right there next to you .where he's smiles and touches seems distant it makes every reality feels fake just a real life fiction right before your eyes and the only way to get out of it or the only way to get to escape from it open that door to freedom is your tears and hurt will be the key .
How can ones eyes be so wide open but yet it feel so very shut  and u find your self blind in a world u can see perfectly clear .
 How your boldness became so faded
How I wish I would to just be free or just lock up my feelings so I could become immune to what really going onn in my life ..in my head it's a constant battle
How can one crave love but yet push it so far away and  each time you try and allow it to touch ur mind ,soul and heart it hurts .burning a hole in to every thing you taught was meant to be for you
Love is not meant for the weak ...love would murder your smile your heart and your existence making you think you don't belong on this earth or make u feel so unalive that your presence to yourself just feel dead ..love will make you have an outer body experience where u can look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize who the person staring back at you is
It destroys  you in so many ways that your touch ,your existence seem nin existent
Love can destroy you completely
It leaves ur soul yearning for something that cant put you back together again.
It leaves you questioning your existence  and who you truly are