Mom I Had A Nightmare

i dream of love
not that of a partner
but that of a mother

i dream of her looking at me
with an emotion other than
hate or disappointment

i dream to look at her
with an emotion other than
hate or disappointment

so i sleep my life away
and maybe because
sleep is the mother of dreams
i hope someday my dreams
of a caring mother
are made true

and maybe because
sleep is the cousin of death
i hope someday my dreams
of dying before her
are fulfilled

Last night i had a nightmare
that when i looked in the mirror
i saw my mother
and i didn’t know
if i hated her
or if i hated myself
sometimes
I don’t know
if there’s a difference

Because when i wake up
my arms wrap around
my body
in effort to keep me
on my bed
and not in her doorway
saying softly
Mom I Had A Nightmare