Caged Behind The Mask

Writing has always been my calling. Every breath I take is built on words. Ever since I can remember, I have always loved to write! Writing is my heartbeat. Writing is inscribed in the intricate of my DNA. Writing is my lifeline. Writing understands my pain. Writing shields my shame. Writing passes no judgment. Writing does not discriminate nor eliminate. I write to unleash my demons! I write to kill my giants! I write to not forget!

Do you know how it feels to be held without your will?

Enslaved to Depression,
Bounded to Oppression,
Chained to Conformity,
Sold to Slavery,
Birthed to Destruction,
Crowned to Eternal Suffering?

Do you know how painful it is to be pressured and forced until you conform to ideologies against your very beliefs?

Battered,
Abused,
Misjudged,
Silenced,
Beaten,
Teared Down; all in the name of accepatnce? To society we are imprisoned,
To culture we are incarcerated,
To religion we are caged behind the mask.

I just tell myself, they don't understand. How can they understand? Will they ever understand? Do you see me? Do you see us? I can try to tell my story but will they ever truly understand?

Ask me why am I up at past 4am writing? Unable to sleep yet again! The memories of my past are eradicating my ability to sleep. The fairies have come out to play but I do not know how to lock them away! I cannot think straight anymore! The virus is only spreading throughout my body and is paralyzing my ability to integrate. I cannot silence the voices. I can hear them as they creep on my mind.

I feel hopeless! Useless' Like I have no control! I feel powerless! Lost at the mention of your name! I do not know how I got in this deep! Unable to run from my past! It is always easier to pretend like the pain is not there! It is always easier to hide the wound and leave it to rot or better still, get infected! Sometimes dealing with the pain is more painful than the pain itself!

 In my brokenness I find strength. Every time you tear me down I only get back up ten times stronger, I refuse to be your tool that you use and abuse! I am breaking free! From your mind games! Soul Ties! Blood Tests! I will no longer inhabit this jungle! I will no longer lose my coat of many colors! I will keep dancing in the rain. I will keep singing until my rainbows come out.

I am breaking free! To be me! I have bared your cross for too long! Your songs have become tiring! Your heated words have become powerless! I can no longer hide behind your mask! I am standing up. I am speaking up. I will be me. I will be free.
I am breaking free! No longer am I a victim of your abuses! No longer am I a misconception to your mane. The game is now over! I will no longer be reminded nor haunted of your definition of who I am meant to be. I will be me. I will be free! I am breaking free!

No more masks. No more hiding the very essence of who I was born to be. I will be that lion that roars. I will be that king that reigns. I will be me. I will be free.

Today I give myself permission to love. Today I give myself permission to be free. Today I give myself permission to breathe.

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I am free to be me.