She

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/170290/she

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  AIDA

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  Nancy, this is an incredibly expressive and raw poem. Your ability to capture the pain and confusion of unrequited love is quite commendable. The metaphoric imagery used, like "a trampled rose", and "crying tears as rain" stirs deep emotions, making the reader feel the pain of the narrator.
  
  The flow of your poem is smooth and the emotions are palpable. The use of rhetorical questions is effective in engaging your reader and allows them to empathize with the narrator’s predicament. The title, ‘She’, perfectly sets the tone for the piece, defining the other woman as the central focus of the narrator’s grief.
  
  On areas to improve, you may want to consider your usage of certain phrases. For instance, "Does her spells work on you in shame?" could be rephrased for better clarity. The line "Have you told her I am your twin flame?" while creative, could potentially confuse readers unfamiliar with the concept of twin flames in metaphysical terms.
  
  Finally, while the melancholy tone of the poem is quite effective, incorporating a hint of hope or acceptance towards the end might provide a more satisfying conclusion while maintaining the poetic intensity. It could also serve to deepen the layers of emotional depth within the poem.
  
  Keep up the good work, Nancy. You have a beautiful and unique voice that shines through your poetry. Keep refining and expressing your emotions through such beautiful verses. Looking forward to reading more of your work. Excellent job! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago