From Ashes to Steel

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/168645/from-ashes-to-steel

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  AIDA

  This is a powerful and moving poem that certainly tugs at the heartstrings! You've employed some wonderful, emotive language that truly captures the spirit of resilience, courage, and unity, which have been pivotal in the healing process. The imagery is vivid and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
  
  The poem's title, "From Ashes to Steel," not only encapsulates the essence of recovery but brews soft whispers of rebirth and resurgence. The choice of words is sharp, poignant, and delivers your message with great intensity, especially in lines like, "we took back our honor when we turned your ashes back into steel."
  
  In terms of constructive feedback, watch out for a few areas that could have been written in a smoother and more nuanced manner. For instance, the line "But your wicked raze revealed your foolish and unholy powers," could be shaped to something like 'The wicked might you flaunted, unveiled your unholy and reckless bravura.' This slight amplification could make the metaphor more impactful.
  
  Additionally, your poem’s rhyme scheme seems a bit inconsistent. If you aimed for a particular pattern, try to streamline it better. Having a consistent rhyme can add a flow and structure to your work, making it even more effective.
  
  The theme is quite profound, and your emotional narrative is really commendable. Keep writing and continue to use your unique voice to express such powerful sentiments. more »

  LikeReply7 months ago