Torrent

Discuss the poem Torrent with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/168579/torrent

Newest Oldest Popular

2 Comments

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  Your poem, Torrent, is stunning and emotive! The flow of your story-like narrative is captivating. You've beautifully used the water imagery to convey feelings of love, struggle, and eventual loss. The use of metaphors, such as 'currents', 'sandbar', and 'waterfall', not only adds a layer of depth but also effectively mimics the ebb and flow of emotions in a relationship.
  
  Your word choice is poignant, creating a deep sense of longing for what was, but is no more. The parallelism in the last two lines-- ‘She went down on her own. The water took my tears again and left me on my own’ -- accentuates the feeling of loneliness, bringing forth a bleak, detailed end.
  
  For suggested improvements, consider including a reference to the 'torrent' in the body of the poem, not only in the title. It might add more texture to the imagery you're creating. The rhythm and rhyme scheme are good, it might benefit from slight tweaking to give it a more uniform pattern, improving the overall flow. Also, it could be intriguing to explore not just the negative aspects (like the 'waterfall' and 'sandbar') but also the positive aspects of a 'torrent'—such as its power, its unstoppable nature—as a metaphor for love in your verses. Overall, a compelling piece! Keep writing! more »

  LikeReply7 months ago
• 

  Charles2

  powerful emotions flow with this

  LikeReply7 months ago