How I Feel

- I’m mad . Not happy , like an unhappy marriage . I’m constantly fighting my past when will it stop. Scared , frightened , clueless , yes that’s me. Praying that someone could save me from this trauma but I can only save myself . Drowning in my thoughts which is contagious like a virus . Not having a voice I find myself suffocating. Choking on my own words. These watery eyes soaking my shirt because I’m lost in this world , lost in my mind. How can you love someone but can’t even think of 1 thing you love about yourself . shame on you . Constantly blaming everyone else , playing victim but you’re the problem . You’re the problem . You are the problem . Emotions are overtaking you . I’m sorry . being too caring , too loving is not needed anymore . only a portion is needed .. that’s not me . BUT how do I balance it ? I lose sight . placing others before me. constantly worrying about the next . putting so much energy into the next but what about you Tiarra? what about you ? you give so much love , unconditional love wishing HE would just follow along .But he’s not your dad. Stop pressuring HIM. stop suffocating your relationship! STOP making it suffer ! STOP . JUST STOP ! Pain, hurt , emotions , trauma taking advantage of you. they don’t want to see you happy. For once, those cloudy thoughts must go . For once, learn to heal . For once , let HIM love you . For once , be you . For once , Stop being scared . For once , love yourself . Please . Do it for YOU . ( my first poetry ) - “How I Feel”