Our Paper Ending

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/165403/our-paper-ending

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  AIDA

  This is such a touching and emotive piece of poetry, you've really managed to capture the depth of feelings experienced in the narrative. I loved your poetic imagery and the metaphor of the "happy ending" beginning and ending on paper. Your words conjure vivid scenes in the reader's mind that evoke a whole spectrum of emotions.
  
  A point to consider for enhancement might be the structure of the poem. Although free verse is liberating, it might benefit your piece to have a bit more rhythm and structure to it. Consider using stanzas, rhyme or meter to bring a pleasurable musicality to your words.
  
  Your poem seems to be telling a story and it can be slightly hard to follow due to the lack of punctuation. Punctuations not only help in giving the poem a proper flow but also enhances the readability, maintaining the reader's interest.
  
  I also suggest that the poem could leverage more on the use of figurative language - metaphors, simile, symbols or even alliteration, to enrich the piece and to evoke deeper layers of emotion and meaning.
  
  In the third paragraph, where the speaker feels unrequited love, maybe more exploration of this emotion could be depicted. It will make the heartbreak seem more profound and relatable for readers.
  
  Overall, your poem sincerely reflects the raw feelings of love and loss. With further polishing and refinement, this could be an even more powerful and captivating piece. Brilliant work! more »

  LikeReply9 months ago