The Ultimate Goal of a Parent

The Ultimate Goal of a Parent ©
Gary Shulman, MS. Ed.
July 25, 2023

Please help me Mr. Gary
A parent did exclaim
Knowing full well that advocacy
Was my primary claim to fame

Residential placement
For my child I now sadly seek
The pain is just too much for me
So sad I can hardly speak

You see I’m very sick right now
No longer can I care
For my sweet angelic daughter
Please I am filled with so much fear

I am so very sorry
For your pain and tremendous stress
I’ll need to ask some questions
So your needs I can hopefully address

How old is your dear daughter?
What is her disability?
Let’s share more information
So I can help you with your plea

My daughter has 65 years on earth
Cerebral Palsy and in a wheelchair is she
Oh please dear Mr. Gary sir
Can you please just now help me?

If you do not mind sharing
Can you tell me how old are you?
I still need a bit more information
To help me know what I should do

Oh Mr. Gary I am 90
And my health is very bad
No longer can I keep my child
Oh lord I feel so sad

Has your daughter ever been away
Been with adults other than you?
Perhaps a daytime program
A camp, some respite too?

Oh no I trust nobody
To be with my dear child
I hear such terrible stories
They all would drive me wild

It’s only been just us together
She knows nobody but me
But now I need residential placement
Oh Mr. Gary hear my plea

Trusting in others is a very scary thing
Especially when your child cannot speak
Your brain conjures up all kinds of horrors
All things terrible and bleak

Of course we helped with the crisis
The state understood the need
But now I must address this story
And plant a potent seed

So what is the goal of a parent
Regardless of circumstance
Understanding that each is unique in life
Every child deserves a chance

Independence is a very tricky thing
Sometimes not easily reached
For some parents the issue is so sensitive
With kit gloves it must delicately be breached

This 65 year old woman
Was never ever away
From a loving mother just trying her best
So let me very clearly say

I never walked a mile in her shoes
Not an inkling I had of her life
Clearly it has not been a journey of ease
I am sure it’s been filled with unbearable strife

But never an after school program
Nor respite was she was willing to try
I am sure that even the thought of such things
Would cause mother to fearfully cry

The goal of successful parenting
And feel free to disagree
Is to instill as much independence in a child
Regardless of disability

Please, please I am not scolding
Just stating a reality
Now a 65 year old frightened adult
Will be ripped away out of necessity

Never having had experience
Of ever being away
Never given the chance to succeed or fail
In a different place to stay

Can you venture to imagine
How scared her daughter is going to be
Never having had any experiences away
Only been with mother don’t you see

So this is a plea I share with you
To the greatest extent that you can
Trust in others do research and get support
Seek help for that independence plan

If you put in place whenever you can
Opportunities for your child to fly
It will help to prevent a similar fate
The ultimate goal: a successful good-by