Generous kill

Dear alcohol,
Toxic as you are i feel i need you so badly to function. I need you everyday to run from myself. I hide from my own memories only to delete the ones that matter. You replace all of my thoughts and I know I should stop. Is running from pain more important than the memories of my children. Are they that bad that I'm missing out on the loving moments. I try to be sober and the sickness and grief sets in. I can't keep doing this. You bring blind happiness until you've completely taken everything from me. Slowest form of suicide