On My Terms

On my terms I have earned,
The me I have grown to bloom and be.
With directions to take them,
Whether positive or negative.
Criticisms I have heard to hear,
And obstacles on my path to place.
Made me more grateful.
I did not run.
Or allow myself to be chased away.
From who I am to have bloom to be.

And at first this was not easy.
As I grew older no hand did I see.
Reaching out to me as if to assist,
A path that had attracted my steps.
Nor did I expect to accept,
My journey ahead,
Would be smoothly paved.
Since I had not been a follower.
And there were times I faced,
Made me scared to death.

Today, I have no regrets.
No sorrows borrowed from anyone to share.
Anywhere I chose to go,
I knew and for what reasons...
Why I was there.
To adventure and explore.
With a learning on my own to do.
Although, I will admit,
Feeling myself to be a fool at times.
To believe from others I had lost my mind.

However,
These days to have aged to look back...
And reminisce on risks and chances,
I took in my youth to never forget.
No one can tell me,
Just how blessed I am to be.
No!
Because they were not there nor around.
To witness and see me on my knees.
Pleading to God to free me from stupidity.

And not a word from God did I hear heard,
In my ears.
But in my head.

'If I believed you to be stupid.
Why would I choose,
To be around fools like you?

I AM THAT I AM, ALMIGHTY GOD.
Get up off your knees and keep moving.
And please...
Don't abandon your faith to doubt,
Or question what it is I do.
Because of a simple test,
You allow to bring you to tears.
Boo hoo hoo.
The woe, pain and agony.'

It is chilling to discover,
How God can be.
So direct and without a sign of empathy.

'Now...
Is that self pity over?
Get up off your knees.
And stop acting as if you have been left alone.
You are not the subject of MY wrath.
Although who knows,
When that time comes.
And My Mind has changed.
Hypocrites and those pretentious,
Have yet to learn that lesson.'

Quick.
And...
Up off my knees I got to know,
God works in mysterious ways.
And I have aged,
To witness that to be a fact.
With a putting my existence in perspective.
And glad to have been,
Just a little apprehensive.

But not completely smothered in doubt!
Tossed about.
Done to fear the living my life to be me!