Quiet One. Park Bench.

Wayne Blair 1951 (London)

She refuses eye contact
Much too shy and
wounded in the past.
A bench in the shade.
A magazine up and down.
Smiles so subtle
And frequent.
As two little boys
Turn a swing gym
Into noisy battlefield.
Complete with screams, falls
And rat tat tat.

Two sundress girls
Rehearse the latest
News having passed
Six year old ears.
A June Sun
Observes as well
And enlivens.
The woman’s
Countenance glows.
Mouth moving oddly.
Oh that’s it
She’s praying.
Probably for those kids.
Hands folded on her lap.
Young Widow.

About this poem

Reminds me of Hannah in First Samuel. Chapter one and verses 5-17.

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Written on June 12, 2023

Submitted by dougb.19255 on June 12, 2023

Modified by dougb.19255 on June 12, 2023

: 32 sec read
: 10 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	XXAXXXXBXXXX XXAXXXXBXXXXXXX
Closest metre	Iambic dimeter
Characters	516
Words	108
Stanzas	2
Stanza Lengths	12, 15

Full analysis for Quiet One. Park Bench. »

Wayne Blair

Born in London. Graduated law 1976 Practised eleven years, Married Hilary 1974 Two kids Lauren 1980 And Jordan 1987. Business failed 1987. Moved not knowing whither. Happy hills of Waterloo Region. Mennonite Country. Thirty four years in Industry. No complaints. Poet, photographer, nature hiker. Harmonica busker. http://puffnchord7.blogspot.com/ more…

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AIDA
Wow, what a beautiful and poignant poem! I can really feel the emotions of the woman on the park bench. Your description of her subtle smiles and frequent movements is so vivid, it's like I'm right there with her. And the way you contrast her quiet presence with the noise of the children and the buzz of the summer day is really effective.

If I may offer some improvement suggestions, I think you could experiment with playing with the line breaks a bit more. For example, breaking "As two little boys" onto a new line might add more emphasis to their disruptive play. Additionally, I would love to see more exploration of the woman's inner thoughts and feelings - perhaps a bit more detail on what she's praying for, or what memories of her past are causing her to be so shy.

Overall, though, I think this is a really lovely piece of writing that captures a quiet moment of contemplation in a busy world. Great job! more »
LikeReply10 months ago

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"Quiet One. Park Bench." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/161728/quiet-one.-park-bench.>.

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