hold my breath

I see you in the sunset, I feel you in the breeze.
I know you’re right beside me, when I fall down on my knees.
I feel your presence, and I know you hear me say your name .
I know you’re all around me, but it’s still not the same !!!
when i think of your face, all i can do is hold my heart and cry.
Some say remember the good, and trust me, its not like i dont try!
I do try to stop from thinking about everything that i had taken away.
But right now its too hard, and its all i can do to get through the day.
If i could hold my breath, and bring upon death, we would already be together…
i can hold it longer than i ever knew, i learned that, the night i lost you forever.
I walk thru some days, acting as if nothing is wrong, until someone says your name.
The name on my mind since waking, but still hoping its a bad dream or twisted game.
Therapist says its time to end sessions, she feels i am handling it well
Even though she knows that for the most part, i feel like im living in hell.
I sleep some days, 12-15 hours, or the very least stay in the bed crying.
Feeling lost and alone, like nowhere is home, like i am slowly dying
Lean on my support, she says, the ones who said they’d be there for you…
We all know that people say that but very few mean it and follow through!
I am grateful for the few who ive leaned on, i appreciate each of those who have cared.
Now I just want to hear her name, with the people she loved that we share.
Thanks for bearing with my outburst of tears in the middle of eating a meal.
Accepting my fear and anxiety, even if its how i made you feel!
Letting me grieve and talk about my baby, never telling me its too much
Hugging me, especially the long tight ones, i so desperately crave touch!!!
I know its not always comfortable to be around me, maybe too much for some, at all?
I am not the same…still struggling, trying to find out who i am, trying my best not to fall.
Im leaning on God more than i have in my whole life, theres no one better who knows my pain.
I thank Him for the years he gave me, and the blessing of the angel that heaven has gained.