Pain’s Master

i didn’t understand what i felt was wrong
because what i felt
i’d felt for so long
like a friend to me
i found solace in its embrace
i couldn’t see the parts of me i loved
were replaced
i felt heady on its hold
drunk on the feeling
the feeling of control
yet, i was not its master
no, merely a pawn
it took until i could not recall the "past her"
and all that was left of me
was an empty, numb shell
the shell of who i used to be