I tried , I swear I did

I’ve been struggling for a long time
Been patiently waiting like the poor people on the corner waiting on a drop of a dime
Waiting for my light to shine
Waiting for my life to be mine
But it isn’t
The silent thoughts control me
While my lips yell to be free
Nobody listens , nobody cares
But when I act out character all I get is stares
I tried, I swear I did
To keep my mask on
To keep life moving along
But I can’t
I’m tired
Tired of being in the cold world with nobody to lean on
Of the judgmental thoughts that escapes from my peers lips
Faking the laughs and the happiness
I just wanna go home
I tried, I swear I did
To stay
To live
To breathe the air of happiness
To finally be me
To not be torn down with the obstacles that approach every time I take a blink
I tried , I swear I did
I don’t get attached
Cause it seems like every time I do , the person leaves me
And it pains me
I’m the one begging to go home, how you get called before me?
Is it that god is punishing me?
So he calls everyone who ever loved me, cared for me, and understands me home ?
But not me right ?
It’s ok
I tried, I swear I did
Mostly everybody I love is home,
but they love me so much they not ready to see me again just yet
This is a fake ass world
But every now again I meet real
I love real and real heals
But they don’t understand that I’m damaged soul
They don’t understand that it’s not there mission to save me it’s not there goal .
They don’t understand that I’m not the brave me.
They don’t understand my passion for wanting to be sleep in a grave you see,
I tried, I swear I did.
I hope all my loved ones forgive me for my sins,
But I couldn’t win
It’s swallowed Me whole
This life tied me down and made me watch it kill away my heart kill away my soul
It took my joy
And it played with it like some kind of toy
I haven’t been ok for years
I den cried so many tears
I’m just ready to go home now where I belong
And I’m sorry but
I tried, I swear I did
 
                                                       ~ Sincerely,
    A damaged soul ready to be called home