unfiltered & raw

what is this sudden shift in mood?
one moment it's pure joy,
the next minute you're drowning in your thoughts.
it's an empty feeling, and what is that?
when your heart screams you're not okay
but your mind asks it to shut up.
when Spotify predicts your mood
but joyous music doesn't cheer you up.
when you don't know how you are
but start crying out of the blue.
when your heart feels like an empty void
but you don't see how even to describe that.
when you can't focus on anything
and feel guilty for not feeling anything.
when you don't give yourself a break
and get irritated at petty things.
when you have friends to talk to
but are not in the right mental state.
when you feel insecure about the tiniest thing
but don't say a word to anyone.
when you stare at the ceiling at 3 am
and rethink every damn decision.
when you realize you're fucked
but all you do is pretend and pretend.