Like the TV shows

What if I was like them?
The TV shows
I always wanted to be like the TV shows I watched as a kid
A happy family
Smiles stretched across their faces
So much it looked like their teeth would pop out of their gums
But not ours,
The only smiles we had
were the ones we faked in photographs
We hung them on the walls to cover the holes my brother had made.
When my mom would get mad
She went to her room
He would slam his fist through the wall
Oh how I knew he wanted it to be her that he hit
But it was only reversed
She walked,
Angrily
So much anger you could fill one hundred balloons with it,
And let them go
Just as quickly as you filled them
Watching your feelings float and disappear
Not having to worry about them.
But that’s not what they did on TV shows.
No
They never had anger
When they did,
it would be resolved easily.
Not like ours.
Nothing they had was like ours
I had always wondered if we were different, or they were just perfect.
Their counters always wiped clean,
I bet they didn’t have to clean up moms mess when she got home
Wipe the wipe powder off the counters
Trash the empty liquor bottles she left out
I was always the one to do it.
The families on TV were always nice,
hugging and saying I love you to each other
Ours was the opposite
Always I hate you.
You don’t belong in my life
I wish I had a different family
Deep down
We know we didn’t mean it
Or did we?
Sometimes I would think of what it would be like to have a different family
To not be in this scrambled mess
Like puzzle pieces
We try to fit them together after picking them up
But they won’t fit
Always misplaced
Scattered
Messy.
Everything other than the TV shows.
Eventually, I figured out that now I see a different outlook on life.
But to this day,
I still wonder.
What if I like them?
The TV shows.