Introvert feelings

I'm the book of mysteries, but
Some of my pages are blank or torn....
One day, I will be self-made king, but
Without my queen and throne....
Once I had a lot of friends, but
Now all of them are dead or gone....
Rarely I go to parties or friendly meet-ups, but
There I feel all sad and all alone....
I am not so sure what's good for me, but
All I need is an ocean full of love where I can peacefully drown....
 I'm the book of sorrow and,
All my pages are rotten and worn.