SPIRIT OF FREEDOM

I have been fighting since the day I was born, so even as a God damn baby, a young child, I was always myself, by myself always trying to get through another one of their days their way. That shit just was not me

My older brother, my living idol, died at an early age, so I had to be my mama's little good solider as she was trying to be both to my mother and father, so for me, she had to be strong you should never have to bury a child especially your first born I now realize this being a parent myself you should never have to place your sons or daughters ashes on the shelf but f*ck I was 15 years old so full of anger and rage for that the dear loving mama I am so forever sorry and in your doubt that I made you cry

Every obstacle that was placed before I jumped over and did it twice. There were battles that I fought alone without anyone ever having a clue. All they knew was how I kicked and shout.

I looked in the mirror every day from the age of 15 until last year at the age of 47, hating myself and feeling so much guilt. I was so sick of the smell of my own bullshit I thought something had to change. I had to stop asking myself if it was my fault I didn't know my father. The answer was no, he chose not to know us. I had to stop asking myself why in the hell did I cheat death so many times, and my brother's one stupid mistake got him a ticket punched to heaven's gates.

Like they say there is no rest for the wicked. I can not wrap my head around how much a year can change who the f*ck you are and how you see the reflection inside your new well-polished mirror hell, I'm proud of myself if no one else is. It's all in the power of letting go, forgiving, and healing at that moment. Feel what you feel, then let it go there is more inside of the beauty of life that you need to know, for there is no present or future. Now, as I was thrown to the wolves, I came back, leading the pack in the fight of a warrior, the heart of an original gangster, and the wings and spirit of my newfound freedom.