Hidden pain part one

40 tries, still heart beating. Why?
Anger and self hate consuming.
Pain. Pain. Pain.

40 still alive, growing closer to 20.
What if I had died?
13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.

6 soon to be 7 years of time, I no longer want to die?
I can’t stop thinking about release, yet nothing to be sad about.
I don’t know why, I just keep wanting sleep.

1am looking at the sky wishing the pain away.
War, pain, death <> Friendship, Kindness, Love.
Same coin flipping in the air in the air….