Questioning

Questioning
Why should I have to live in fear
that when I am not at lunch with my friends
they could get hurt by other students
because of something they cannot change.
What rules were made that I never learned?
 
Why should I have to live in fear
that my friends will abandon me for something
that I cannot change.
It is not my fault that I was
born queer. It is not a choice.
What did I do wrong?
 
Why should I have to live in fear
that my parents will disown me
because I do not follow the standards, they set for me
before I was even born.
Why does my identity decide who accepts me?
 
Why should I have to live in fear
that no matter what I say,
no matter what I do
I will never be able to meet the girl of my dreams
and be able to love her the same as anyone else.
 
I shouldn’t have to live in fear
that I would be attacked after school
or worse, during school,
because I am just a person who is trying
to get by in this world.
When did it become okay to pick on people for being themselves?
 
I shouldn’t have to live in fear
of being discriminated against
because of my gender identity
and sexuality
Why is this even necessary to say?
 
I shouldn’t have to live in fear
of being left by everyone that I love
because I made a mistake in telling
them who I am.
 
I shouldn’t have to live in fear
of being pushed into depression
so that I feel that I cannot go on living
because it feels like no one cares.
 
I am not afraid to be myself
but I am scared that my friends will get hurt
for just by knowing me.
 
I am not afraid to be myself
but I am scared to live in a world where
people like me are illegal in seventy countries.
 
Is it my fault
that I couldn’t just ‘be normal’?
No, who I am is natural.
 
Is it my fault
that I couldn’t just ‘let this pass’?
No, because it is not JUST A PHASE
 
Is it my fault
that I couldn’t just listen to my parents?
No, because they were wrong.
 
It’s okay to accept who you are
it won’t change.
 
It’s okay to learn new things,
after all, it’s the way we were made.
 
It’s okay to be scared,
it’s only natural, after all.
 
But I was born with golden wings,
meant to soar through
the vast expanse of hope
with no fear of the things that scare mortals.
 
I was taught to live
like it was the last day of my life.
And to breath
like it was the last breath I would take.
To believe
like there is nothing else to believe in.
 
But now, as I soar through the clouds of doubt
because everything that I thought I knew
is wrong.
Everything I was taught
is now clogged with doubt.
 
Maybe there isn’t only one right belief
and I have been lied to my whole life.
Maybe I am meant to hold my breath
and wait for things to change.
Maybe life isn’t worth living
so that’s why people take their lives every day.
 
I am drowning in the world
I once called home.
I am struggling to breath
in the smokey air
that was once clean and pure.
Just like the words said by parents
to their children before bedtime
“We love you, goodnight!”
but the message behind those words was always,
“We love you, but…”
 
There is always a way
to ruin the love of parents.
Maybe a spoken word
accomplishes the deed.
Or an identity that doesn’t
coincide with their religious
beliefs.
 
Maybe nothing is true,
maybe the only truth is that humans
are steadily marching
towards a demise
fit for monsters.
And maybe that’s all we are.
 
After all, it is our fault
the world is burning, and the ice is melting.
The politicians who could make a change
only care about money and not change.
 
Pull yourself together, there is more work to be done,
there are people to heal,
civilizations to build,
a world to fix.
 
But what if the world didn’t need to be fixed?
What if children could soar
above the doubts of adults
to their pastel dreams
and bright futures?
 
What if the past didn’t need to be repeated?
What if people just let things go,
like they had been told as children.
 
If people could just see
that the sea is rising.
If they all could just see
that they are blind
to the pains of others.
Maybe children could learn
from a young age
to accept.
 
Is it really so hard?
Why does it take decades to make a change?
People like to hold onto the constants of life,
but the constants are changing and that
scares them.
It scares them, just like they feared the dark
as children.
 
People are children,
they don’t understand that their actions have impacts,
and until they do, things will only get worse.
 
These wings are soot black now,
tainted by the ideals of religion.
The ideals of politics,
the words of the past that don’t even apply to the now.
 
What if people just listened?