Over It

OVER IT
Pills on top of pills, mountains of pills
I never knew or understood what were in these things
Hours of shouting, years of trying, the impact of these little pills was more than I could’ve imagined.
My father was an addict, and that was the end of my childhood
I never knew what happiness was , only the constant worrying of him coming home high, or OD on drugs.
I tried to help him, I did the best I could but his dedication to taking drugs was something that I never understood.
He was never there , he was always gone while the family tried to get over the effects of a man-made storm, a storm that he created , a storm that he orchestrated; it was like he never had a family and all we did to help him was vanity.
I was abused, mentally, verbally, and emotionally. This load was becoming too hard to carry.
My family was torn, it was never a happy home, but the way I pretended made it seem like I was living the best life and more.
I isolated myself, I never left my room, my emotions were overloaded and I was not performing well at school.
I stopped eating, my mother was drained, this was no longer a house, but a toxic domain.
Eventually I got used to it, I really did but the trauma that I went through I could never get over it.
But one faithful day, he passed away
I thought that when he died I would have been relieved but all that hurt that I concealed was now being revealed.
My mother was devastated. She cried a lot , and because I was the oldest of my two siblings I was now incharge of the lot.
Mother started taking drugs too, and now the cycle continues, over and over again.
I got used to it, I really did , but the trauma that I went through, I could never get over it.