Circles

There are days that I don’t .

don’t see the point of it all.

enclosed in my own world
filled with so much loneliness
I wonder  why I was made
to feel so small

There are mornings
I swap faces
with all the emotions folded into my drawers
I can be the bottled hero
or sobbing the villian
I know how to choose my own downfall

Happiness tastes delicious with regret
but that only happens at night
when the monsters of my moments
stay whispering
causing thunder over my thoughts
pouring droplets to soak my mind

Sunrise stretches through my childhood
reminding me of the horrors I lived through
abandonment raised me as a baby
Insecurity kept me humbled into my youth
 
I often fear the feeling
of being forgotten
so I colour myself in fluorescent greens
and blues
the attention isn’t always from the best
but it’s all mine to choose

I become distant at 2 o’clock
convince myself
that I cannot buy love
with what I have within
I’m meant to give it
not get it
but that’s when the moonlight comes in…   

I bask all night
in its arms
it’s touch makes me feel
so seen
every word
every lie
every tale
are the sweetest words it could ever sing
because I know the moon could never leave me
I fulfil all his fantasies

At midnight
I hear
the call of the void
I break into myself
and retreat

My my look at all I’ve done
…I can’t run
shame grabs hold of my feet
pulls me through the surface
back into my miniature world
 put to defeat .