My well wisher

Ever smiling and jolly,
words I am so often described.
Oh what a misconception they have .
If only they knew that all they saw was a facade.

As soon as I'm alone she surfaces.
A fiend to a happy life I once led.
She tarnishes my self esteem like no one ever did before .
All the hurtful words others have said cannot compete with hers.
She is like a paid assassin,
never fumbles and always gets the job done .
I could tolerate it if it were anyone else but her .

She murdered the angel that used to sit on my shoulder and took it's place.
Now she sits there and whispers bitter words.
"You're a failure",she tells me and honestly I believe her , she wouldn't lie to me would she?
She wouldn't tell me to do something that's not for my own good right?
Yeah she is just moulding me with an iron fist,it is a tough world out there.
But why do I feel like a prisoner?

She never wants me around people.
She wants me to herself like an obsessed lover,
because I don't listen as I should when Im with other people.
So I remain in my isolation bubble where people eventually forget about my existence.
The loneliness gets to me ,
but my anxiety won't let me reach out to others.
What if they won't accept me?
I guess loneliness will be my daily bread.

"Nobody cares about wouldn't it just be better to end it all ? " , she asks like a mother concerned about her little one .
I dare not defy her , not even inch of me has the courage to.
Yes the pills ... the pills are the solution to this, I hesitate,
but why ?I mean this is my escape.
Death will be my promised Land.
I drank the pills , pitch darkness followed
but to my surprise I woke neither in Heaven or Hell .