Twenty plus years

I desperately want to stream out loud this secret killing from the inside out.
But if I do the ones I love will have no way out.
They will have to face the fear that they failed to keep me safe.
They will face the pain that will come with this shame.
I have kept you safe, put this mask on and swallowed the pain.
I show no fear I tell no blame. But somehow you reappear.
No matter how I tried to hide this shame.
 I fear my health is to blame for I no longer can hide this pain.
What am I supposed to do when my love ones will hurt too.
I am to weak to keep this twenty plus year secret.
Who do I blame, for the pain and the shame.
I feel responsible that I can’t endure this pain.
 My eyes remain blurry my head remains insane.
I accept this pain but I shall no longer suffer in vain.