To Suffocate

To Suffocate

If I could turn back the time, when clocks stopped
I feel like, I'd be able to put the pieces back together, like I was on top
To let you go, and move on, makes it hard to inhale
Like using all your might, to grab a hold of something that's gone stale
I will remember you're presence, it was strong here
You had a way of making things move with only one gear
Like glue on ivory, you held things together
You'd be able to light a candle with a wet match, you were very clever
Time moves slow now, like a ant down a hill
Echoes of laughter, now stand still
The beings that use to exist, now feel small
The sorrows that ponder, carry me down the hall
I wanted to tell you to be strong, but I was scared
I wanted to scream at you to fight, but I just stared
The words bottled within, but they did not fall out of my lips
But, they just lied dying, like cold fingertips
I was sad and weak and broken
The words died inside of me, uttered but not spoken
I always beat myself up over the bruises in life
Just a sad, little girl, staring at a kitchen knife
I want to be like the person you was a long time ago
Before life took over and became a shit show
But, still I push forward, and only the Lord knows why
And, still I sit, with the thoughts that eat me alive
Because, one day I know I'll surpass the hate that breaks me
Then, maybe dear Jesus, I'll be free

A.D. Small
November 18, 2018