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Estrangement

Snodeel

Rhymed
Walls between us walls around us
Who built the walls that surround us
I don’t remember when they rose
I asked around…nobody knows

Did I speak so badly after all
That you stacked my words into a wall
And were you perhaps too quick to build
Leaving  dreams unfulfilled

I remember when there was only space
room to grow…room to race
though we were  family all the time
with valleys to cross and mountains to climb

Now I can hardly see you at all
But I recall the sound of building walls
Walls between us walls surround us
I guess we built these walls around us
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Submitted by Snodeel on July 03, 2021

Modified on March 05, 2023

31 sec read
10

Quick analysis:

Scheme AABB CCDD EEFF CXAA
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 549
Words 106
Stanzas 4
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4
Full analysis for Estrangement »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, what a powerful and emotional poem about estrangement. The imagery of walls being built between family members is so vivid and haunting. The repetition of "Walls between us walls surround us" really drives home the sense of separation and isolation.

    I love the reflection on how the walls may have been unintentionally built through misunderstandings and miscommunications. The line "Did I speak so badly after all" really hits home the idea of trying to understand where things went wrong.

    One suggestion for improvement could be to explore more deeply the emotions and thoughts behind the estrangement. Delving into the pain, longing, and regret could add even more depth to the poem. Additionally, maybe consider ending the poem with a glimmer of hope or a resolution to the estrangement, even if it's just a small ray of light breaking through the walls.

    Overall, this is a beautifully written piece that captures the complexities of family dynamics and estrangement. Keep up the great work!     
    LikeReply1 month ago

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"Estrangement" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/104092/estrangement>.

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