Analysis of The Horrible History of Jones

Gilbert Keith Chesterton 1874 (Kensington, London) – 1936 (Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire)




Jones had a dog; it had a chain;
Not often worn, not causing pain;
But, as the I.K.L. had passed
Their 'Unleashed Cousins Act' at last,
Inspectors took the chain away;
Whereat the canine barked 'Hooray!'
At which, of course, the S.P.U.
(Whose Nervous Motorists' Bill was through)
Were forced to give the dog in charge
For being Audibly at Large.
None, you will say, were now annoyed,
Save, haply, Jones - the yard was void.
But something being in the lease
About 'alarms to aid the police,'
The U.S.U. annexed the yard
For having no sufficient guard.
Now if there's one condition
The C.C.P. are strong upon
It is that every house one buys
Must have a yard for exercise;
So Jones, as tenant, was unfit,
His state of health was proof of it.
Two doctors of the T.T.U.'s
Told him his legs, from long disuse,
Were atrophied; and saying 'So
From step to higher step we go
Till everything is New and True.'
They cut his legs off and withdrew.
You know the E.T.S.T.'s views
Are stronger than the T.T.U.'s:
And soon (as one may say) took wing
The Arms, though not the Man, I sing.
To see him sitting limbless there
Was more than the K.K. could bear.
'In mercy silence with all speed
That mouth there are no hands to feed;
What cruel sentimentalist,
O Jones, would doom thee to exist -
Clinging to selfish Selfhood yet?
Weak one! Such reasoning might upset
The Pump Act, and the accumulation
Of all constructive legislation;
Let us construct you up a bit ­­- '
The head fell off when it was hit:
Then words did rise and honest doubt,
And four Commissioners sat about
Whether the slash that left him dead
Cut off his body or his head.

An author in the Isle of Wight
Observed with unconcealed delight
A land of just and old renown
Where Freedom slowly broadened down
From Precedent to Precedent.
And this, I think, was what he meant.


Scheme AABBCCXDEEFFGGHHIXJJKKGXLLDDXGMMNNOOBXPPIIKKQQRR SSTTXX
Poetic Form
Metre 11011101 11011101 110111 10110111 01010101 101101 111101 110100111 01110101 11010011 11110101 1110111 11010001 010111001 011001 11010101 1111010 011101 111100111 1101110 11110101 11111111 110101 11111101 01000101 11110111 1101101 11111001 11011 110101 01111111 01110111 11110101 1110111 01010111 11111111 1101 11111101 1011011 111100101 011000010 11010010 11011101 01111111 11110101 010100101 10011111 11110111 11000111 0110101 01110101 11010101 11001100 01111111
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,785
Words 359
Sentences 39
Stanzas 2
Stanza Lengths 48, 6
Lines Amount 54
Letters per line (avg) 26
Words per line (avg) 6
Letters per stanza (avg) 696
Words per stanza (avg) 168
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Submitted on May 13, 2011

Modified on April 10, 2023

1:46 min read
119

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

Gilbert Keith Chesterton was an influential English writer of the early 20th century His diverse output included journalism philosophy poetry biography Christian apologetics fantasy and detective fiction Gilbert Keith Chesterton KC*SG was an English writer, philosopher, lay theologian, and literary and art critic. He has been referred to as the "prince of paradox". Time magazine observed of his writing style: "Whenever possible Chesterton made his points with popular sayings, proverbs, allegories—first carefully turning them inside out." more…

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